I love Valentine’s Day. Like all the best holidays, it gets a bad rep for its focus on consumerism. It’s usually the haters that end up becoming the most active participants, like, oh boy, the people running around saying “it’s a made-up holiday” are gonna feel so stupid when they find out what the rest of the holidays are also made up.
As I reflect on my dating history today, I’ve come to realize that cannabis plays a significant role in my love life. I haven’t tried in awhile, but I honestly don’t think I could have a serious relationship with someone who doesn’t smoke weed on a consistent basis, mostly because it’s such a central part of my life. Not only do I use it medicinally to replace the five other pharmaceutical drugs I would need to function, but my entire career involves around weed at this point, so I feel like only another stoner would understand and appreciate the relationship I have with the plant.
For many, cannabis is a lifestyle choice that can make or break someone’s desire to pursue a relationship. Sharing a joint is usually how I get to know and bond with someone, romantic or otherwise. How else do people get their dates to come over if not inviting them up for a bowl pack? I assume you all must have hot tubs full of puppies or something, but for me, weed is usually the gateway drug to making out and dry humping all over my room after a date.
I have my shit together, so I don’t fit the stereotype of someone who smokes weed every day. I love being able to shatter those cliches, because I know so many people who are responsible and well-respected and also happen to be passionate about weed. It’s been an issue for men attracted to me in the past, so I learned pretty quickly to be up-front about it so that they can make an informed decision about whether they’re down to date a stoner chick.
For me, it’s not enough if you’re “cool with it” but don’t actively participate. Getting high with a lover is my favorite — it’s intimate, sexy and overall just sets the tone for the kind of vibes I like to be around. Stoner dudes are usually sweet, funny, kind and, most importantly, not judgemental. The last thing I want to deal with at the end of the day when I’m winding down is the stigma associated with chronic pot use, which is what happens when you’re boning a non-smoker. Weed is always going to be part of the deal when it comes to dating me, so if a boy ever offered me an ultimatum between him and my habit, I would laugh hysterically and blow a gravity bong in his face. Honestly, if you can’t stop yourself from judging and begging your partner to reconsider smoking, you probably shouldn’t try to date a stoner. It won’t work and wastes time for everyone involved.
When dating a stoner, relationship norms — like eating together or having sex — are inevitably done high, and are therefore significantly more fun to do. Not all stoners are harmless, productive hippies. Some have problems and have made it a toxic part of their lives. This is where boundaries are important, especially if you’re enabling each other. I’m a freelance creative who usually dates other freelance creatives, so it’s super easy in the beginning of a relationship for me to drop everything else in my life to get stoned and smooch all day, which I’ve totally done with less responsible boyfriends. So it’s not just about finding someone who consumes at similar rates, but also about finding someone who has a similar relationship and sense of responsibility around weed.
Ultimately it boils down to the fact that it’s hard to maintain a relationship with someone who has wildly different personal habits than you do. I like my weed, and my boyfriend definitely smokes everyday. That said, if he let it get in the way of being intelligent, hardworking and motivated, that would change things.
If Valentine’s Day gets you down, remember it’s a day about love, not coupling up. It’s about celebrating love’s existence and what it means. Maybe it’s the love you have for your friends or family or pets or weed and AOC’s New Green Deal. Regardless, we all feel love in many different ways and in many different forms. It is the best human emotion ever, so spark up and enjoy it.