1. What do you call a sibling’s child who uses they/them pronouns? Merriam-Webster is musing about nibling, which feels weird but might be the answer.
If “nibling” weirds you out — perhaps due to its homophone (“nibbling: to bite gently; to eat or chew in small bits”) — you could go with the gender neutral expression my aunts and uncles used when referring to me and my siblings and our dozens of cousins: “that little shit/those little shits/you little shits.”
2. Please share these pronouns with your readers, listeners and followers: She/He/Shay; Her/Him/Shem; Hers/His/Shems; Herself/Himself/Shemself. My thought is that these gender-free pronouns could be used rather than using plural pronouns. They could ultimately replace gendered pronouns for everyone. Thank you for sharing these gender-free pronouns with the world!
Shou’re welcome?
P.S. The supply of gender-free/gender-neutral pronoun options is outstripping demand: we’ve already got ve/ver/verself, xe/xem/xemself, per/per/perself, fae/faer/faerself, ze/zir/zirself, to say nothing of neoproouns that are impossible to conjugate (or take seriously), and only “they/them” is in wide use. And people who prefer gender-neutral pronouns seem to have settled on they/them/themself not despite its association with a plural meaning, but because of it. (“I contain multitudes, bitches!”) Anyway, tossing your idea out there, per your request.
P.S.S. “Your” is a pronoun that can mean just one person or a group of people — so, wrapping our heads around singular and plural meanings of “they” doesn’t seem like an impossible task.
3. I’m with someone who cannot take even the slightest bit of criticism. If I say, “I’d like if you consult my schedule first,” or, “Can you do that more slowly” — or faster, or to the left, or whatever it might be — he melts down and acts like he’s a total failure, everything is over, etc. I try to be incredibly gentle with anything I say, but he’s so sensitive we can’t really talk about anything at all. And of course, if I were to say that to him, he’d have a breakdown. How do I walk around these landmines?
A partner who can’t take gentle criticism without having a self-lacerating meltdown may be less terrifying than a partner who flies into a rage at the slightest criticism, but in both cases the goal (conscious or subconscious) is the same: to reduce their partners to nervous wrecks. Meltdowners and ragers alike want their partners walking on eggshells at all times in a desperate and futile effort to avoid setting them off.
You can stay with a pathetic meltdown type on the condition they get 1. professional help and 2. a grip. But those more dangerous and damaging ragers won’t seek help until they’ve been dumped for the hundredth time.
4. How to tell older Gen X straight men to take more pleasure in eating pussy?
Gen X was all about oral sex, from all rainbow parties (that didn’t happen) to all the mutual oral sex (that did and still does) — so, I don’t think the problem is Gen X men in general, but the specific Gen X men you’ve been fucking.
5. After four years together, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. I became suspicious because he didn’t want to have sex anymore and he spent most of his time on his phone. At first, I learned he kissed a coworker after I found the shadow of a hickey on his neck. He uses a car sharing service to get home, and I asked to see where he got the car, and it was the street where this woman lives. He insisted it only happened twice. Now I know it has happened fifteen times in nine months. I love him dearly and I can’t live without him. What am I supposed to do? How can I believe it was just two kisses? Can I ever trust him again?
If you can’t live without him, you’ll have to put up with this shit. If you can’t put up with this shit, you’ll have to learn to live without him.
6. Married 24 years, haven’t had a BJ in fifteen years.
That sucks.
P.S. Since I’m an advice columnist and you’re a straight married man — men couldn’t marry other men 24 years ago — I’m supposed to ask if you’re doing your fair share of the housework, if you have good personal hygiene practices and if you’re making sure your wife cums when you have sex. The implication: you must not be doing these things — or eating her pussy — because otherwise you would be getting regular blowjobs. But there are men out there who do everything right — their fair share of the housework, they shower and brush their teeth, they get their wives off — and they never get blowjobs. They may have married women who never liked sucking cock or they may have married women who loved sucking cock at first but something about the act doesn’t work for them in the context of an established relationship.
P.S. If you want a BJ, ask the wife for one. If she won’t give you a BJ, ask the wife for permission to get a BJ elsewhere. If she won’t give you a BJ or let you get a BJ elsewhere, do what you need to do to stay married and stay sane.
P.P.S. Not calling it a “BJ” might help.
7. Best soap for cleaning smelly cock?
Any soap will do — seriously, cocks don’t smell bad because men are using the wrong soap.
8. My boyfriend said he wants to ask his therapist “for their approval” before we can have a threesome. Is it a no-go?
Does your boyfriend have a long history of compulsive sexual behavior? Did he need years of therapy before one-on-one sex with someone he actually cared about was a possibility for him? Did your boyfriend’s ex-husband leave him for someone they had a threesome with? And did the fallout from the breakup require years of therapy to clear away? Did your boyfriend walk in on his mom getting double penetrated by his dad and his dad’s best friend when he was ten? And has your boyfriend only recently managed — with the help of his therapist — to block the mental images that were ruining sex for him and him for sex? If any of the above or something close is true, your boyfriend might have a good reason to check-in with his therapist before having his first threesome with his new boyfriend. But he could’ve and should’ve checked-in without telling you about it.
9. I can take really big sex toys, but men’s dicks are painful. Why?
Men come attached to dicks — typically — which can make dicks somewhat unpredictable. Toys, by way of contrast, are very predictable; toys stay where you put them, toys don’t make any sudden moves, toys don’t have their own ideas about the depth, angle or pace of penetration. If you’re someone who experiences even mild anxiety around penetration, playing with typical dick — the kind that comes attached to man — may be causing you to tense up, and tension is the enemy of painless penetration.
10. Cis female here who has sex with trans women with [eggplant emoji] who also sleep with people with [eggplant emoji, eggplant emoji, eggplant emoji]. Should I be on PrEP?
Yes.
11. What’s the most erotic thing you’ve watched IRL in a room?
Pass.
12. I’m bored with my sexual interests. How do I find something new?
Some people like to try new things for the sake of trying new things, and the novelty is the turn-on. If you’re one of those people, you can find new things to try watching porn, reading erotica or by making a list of things you haven’t done. But for the best results — positive experiences, endorphin rushes, hands-free orgasms — think about your existing sexual interests and play or kinks that would be a natural extension of them. If you like being held down, try bondage; if you like having your ass slapped, try impact play; if you like having sex someplace you might get caught, try having sex someplace you’ll definitely get “caught,” e.g., a sex club, a swingers’ party, a baptism, etc.
13. We need your reaction to the 20-person-polycule article in the New York Times! Be sure to read the comments!
The comments are judgmental and dismissive, which I have to say seems foolish and shortsighted on the part of the people who made those comments. Considering the rate at which that Boston polycule is expanding — it seems to be growing exponentially — everyone on earth is going to be assimilated before the end of the year. The poly-processing sessions are gonna be epic!
P.S. Someone needs to remake Invasion of the Body Snatchers with a polycule absorbing all of humanity instead of sinister pods absorbing all of humanity. Seems like the kind of project Ben Shapiro’s movie studio could get behind.
Email your question for the column to [email protected] or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan. Podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love. Read more Savage Love on Boulder Weekly
