Savage Love: Feb. 29, 2024

On nudists, non-monogamy and gender-neutral names

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1. Best advice on dating without resorting to apps?

Go places, do shit, meet people, fuck ‘em.

2. I’m about to visit a gay nudist resort for the first time, although I’ve been to heterosexual nudist resorts in the past. I’ve been bi all my life and am now in my 70s. What should I expect?

Dick if you’re lucky. Crabs if you’re not.

3. I’m a heterosexual woman, and I don’t like to kiss a guy after he’s gone down on me. Is there something wrong with me? Do most women not mind?

There are places on our own bodies we can’t reach with our tongues. For some of us, making out with someone who just went down on us — someone who just ate our pussy or our ass or sucked our dick — presents us with an opportunity to taste those parts of bodies we would never get to taste otherwise. But opportunity ≠ obligation. 

If you don’t want to taste your own pussy or your own ass or your own cock, you don’t have to. Sending someone off to wash their face in the middle of sex would indeed be weird, but wiping someone’s face with the t-shirt you were wearing before you started fucking around can be kinda hot.

4. Would you please craft a single gender-neutral word that could replace “sir” and “ma’am”? I’m nonbinary, and every customer service interaction makes me bristle because the employee — who is just being polite — always misgenders me. Can we have one word for all people instead of trying to discern gender in every interaction?

My commie friends think comrade would work: “Your call is very important to us, comrade! Please remain on the line, comrade! Someone will be with you shortly, comrade!” But I think “homo” is a stronger choice. Not “homo” short for homosexual, but “homo” short for homo sapiens: “Welcome to Chili’s, homo. I’ll be your server, homo. What would you like, homo?”

5. I just came out as gay. I’ve always wanted an exclusive relationship, but I don’t think most gay guys are into that. I have accepted that pretty much any future boyfriend will either cheat on me or I will have to agree to an open relationship at some point because that’s what all gay couples do. I’m just looking for advice.

There are gay men out there who want exclusive relationships, and you should seek those men out. But in my experience — ahem — it’s almost always the person who insists on monogamy who cheats first. Not always, but almost always. So, in addition to wondering how you’ll react if and/or when your future boyfriend cheats or wants to open the relationship, spend some time thinking through how you’ll handle things if and/or when you wanna open the relationship.

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