Sex like Don Juan


Dear Dr. Jenni,

I’m a junior at CU and I’ve had sex with six girls a handful of times each. I feel like a loser because I can’t seem to make any of them orgasm. They look like they are having a good time, but I want to be able to make them cum.

—Don Juan Wanna Be

Dear Don Juan,

You are not responsible for your partner’s orgasm. To experience orgasm, a woman needs to surrender to that possibility, and to her partner. You can aid the process by turning on her brain and body and giving her pleasure. Ultimately, she has to give herself permission for pleasure — and orgasm.

Keep in mind that while orgasm is a fun and pleasurable piece of sex, studies show that women do not mention orgasm when asked about their most satisfying sexual experiences. Rather, they describe the most satisfaction from feeling satisfaction from feeling loved, aroused, erotic and, most importantly, connected to their partner. I suggest that you focus on building the connection, both in and out of bed, and let the orgasms flow from there.

Dear Dr. Jenni,

I’m a 22-year-old male, and I recently graduated from college in Montana. I moved here this summer thinking my mountain man ways would fit in, but I feel like a hairy gorilla. Every guy here seems to have a hairless chest. I’m feeling like I need to shave to get a girl and to have a sex life. Have I moved to the wrong place?

—Horny, Hairy Mountain Man

Dear Horny,

Even though the bare look is in vogue, at least for male models and competitive athletes, the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that many women delighted in men with hairy torsos.

Luckily, Boulder caters to both the shaggy and the shaved. It’s a mix of all, and it’s about finding your own comfortable

style and your own niche. If you are naturally hairy and feel like you wore it well in Montana, chances are nothing has changed except a fear of fitting in. So bring sexy back, and bare that bear with pride.

Dear Dr. Jenni,

My penis is on the smaller side. I know all men think this, but it really is. I’ve been dating this girl, but it seems like I fall out of her. It’s really embarrassing. Do you have some position ideas to prevent this?

—Penis Placement Woes

Dear Penis,

The aim is to find a snug yet comfortable fit for both people. With manon-top, missionary position, you can thrust while stabiliz- ing her pelvis and butt so she doesn’t arch away from you.

Have her wrap her] legs around you to see if you can get even closer, or lift  both her legs over your shoulder in a “V” position for deeper penetration. If she’s on top of you, place some pillows under your butt to make your pelvis — and penis — stand up higher. You may also want to hold onto her hips again to prevent too much arching and pulling away and out of you. Also try rearentry position, with her on her hands and knees. Having her dip to her elbows can accentuate the angle for more penetration.

In addition, both of you can do kegel exercises to tighten the pelvic floor. If you are open to toys, cock rings can help make the erection stronger, firmer and seemingly bigger; a male masturbatory sleeve can help take up space inside; and a strap-on can be a full substitute.

Of course, never forget the range of other skills and body parts that can provide pleasure!

Send questions for Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., to drjenni@theintimacyinstitute. org. Skyler is a sex therapist and board-certified sexologist who runs The Intimacy Institute in Boulder,