1. My husband and I have been together for 14 years. We are WILDLY different people — from who we used to be and from each other. I only just got my libido back at the age of 41. But my husband and I have also been going through marriage therapy and working on a number of issues. I really want to open a discussion with him about being non-monogamous, but I’m terrified and nervous about how to bring this up with him.
Just say it — but say it in the presence of a sex-positive couples’ counselor. Figuring out how to tell you’re ready start fucking again — just not him or not just him — is going to be tricky. You’re gonna need professional assistance.
2. My partner and I were traveling in Thailand. She got a vaginal discharge and asked me if I had slept with anyone else since I last saw her. I lied out of fear she would break up with me. I've now lost her. I apologized, sent flowers and offered to go to counseling with her. She is giving me the silent treatment. Is there anything I can do to retrieve the relationship?
Nope.
3. I'm a queer woman in her senior year of college who's still a virgin. I know people are ready for sex at different times, and I didn't come out of the closet until college, so I feel like I should be more patient with myself. On the other hand, I want to get it over with. But I have a hard time talking to people. I'm insecure about my body, I worry I'll say or do something stupid and I worry I'll fuck up any relationship I enter. What should I do?
Everyone is insecure about something related to their bodies, everyone worries about saying or doing something stupid, and everyone worries that they’re going to fuck up their relationship. The only thing that separates you from people who aren’t still virgins is a willingness to take “yes” for an answer when people find you attractive.
Get on the apps (breaking the ice over DM is easier than face-to-face), be honest about your inexperience and don’t settle for someone who isn’t giving off generous, patient and kind vibes.
4. I love having my tits groped. How do I communicate this to guys I hook up with in a way that is sexy? I feel so much shame around communicating my inner slutty desires.
If you can’t bring yourself to use your words, take the hands of the guy you’re hooking up with and place them on your breasts. Put your own hands over his hands and show him exactly how much pressure you enjoy by applying that same pressure to your breasts using his hands.
5. Is there a way to tell a partner what you want in the moment while keeping it sexy?
If it’s something that’s easily incorporated into the action — you want your partner to call you something specific or hold you down or spit in your mouth — confidentially asking your partner to do that thing is sexy. (“Spit in my mouth, please.”)
If it’s something that can’t easily be incorporated into the action — you want your partner to tie you up in an elaborate way or fuck you in front of a room full of strangers or experiment with fisting you — initiate a little dirty talk with your partner about this hot-but-complicated thing you wanna do with them at some point down the road.
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