1. Should I get on Grindr?
“Every gay man should know how to use Grindr, but we all need to remember that it’s just like any social media app — useful, addictive, toxic — and it should never, ever replace real life interactions,” said queer author and filmmaker Leo Herrera. “Right now, gay men of all ages are walking away from the apps and embracing tradition: picking up strangers in bars and bathhouses and parks. Learn the basics of analog cruising so you’re not dependent on Grindr.”
2. How do you get over the proverbial one who got away?
You know what they say: “The fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone new.” And it turns out they were on to something. In a 2023 piece for The Atlantic defending rebound relationships, Faith Hill cited research done by Amy Hackney, a psychology professor at Georgia Southern University, which found that the sooner heartbroken people started dating, the faster they healed from their heartbreak.
3. What’s the best way to describe DP?
Two men enter, one man cleaves.
4. When my girlfriend eats my pussy, there’s no problem! When my husband eats my pussy, I invariably get a yeast infection. Help!
Maybe a dermatologist could help and/or maybe your husband could go down on your girlfriend a few times in the hopes that her epidermal microbiome re-seeds his. But if your husband can’t go down on you without giving you a yeast infection, then he doesn’t get to go down on you.
5. Me and my new partner — great sex begins at 49 (and after divorce!) — do a lot of pretend breastfeeding. The pretend breast feeding is intimate, erotic, matronly and so sexy for both of us. But the guilt after sucks. How do I not feel guilty about this?
As perversions go, your kink barely registers as a kink. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy sucking on their partner’s nipples? Most of us aren’t consciously invoking (or acting out) pretend breastfeeding sessions, but on some level we’re latching onto distant sense/sensual memories.
And even if this is weird, which it isn’t, who cares? You enjoy it, she enjoys it, it gets you both off and you’re not forcing anyone to watch or participate who doesn’t want to watch or participate.
6. What cautions should I take as a gay Dom to prevent consensual kink and pain play from being misconstrued later as abuse or assault? A sub wants to be slapped, trampled and fat shamed. Do I need some sort of contract?
“Communication is the best caution we Doms can take,” said The Funny Dom, a kink educator, author and content creator who lives in Australia. “Things can't be misconstrued if they’ve been plainly and specifically discussed and planned — and safewords agreed to — before they’re carried out. But absolutely he could look at drawing up a ‘contract’ that they both read and sign, as a way of really formalizing consent, and making sure they’re literally on the same page.”
The Funny Dom and I both wanted to emphasize that slave contracts or play contracts aren’t legally binding, and your sub is free to withdraw his consent at any moment. If you keep going after he uses his safeword or tells you to stop, you will have crossed the line that separates kink play from abuse and assault.
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