1. I’m a 30-year-old lesbian who has never used a strap-on. I want to top, but I don’t want to embarrass myself. Help?
There are YouTube tutorials for lesbians interested in strap-on sex — tons of them — but if you’re a reader, you could curl up on your sofa with one of the classics: The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex by Karlyn Lotney (originally published in 2000) and The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman (originally published in 1999).
P.S. Giving yourself permission to embarrass yourself — telling yourself and your partner that it’s going to take you some time to get good at this thing you’ve never done before — radically decreases your chances of embarrassing yourself. Low expectations are easily exceeded.
2. Should you ever open up a relationship out of boredom/monotony?
Some argue you shouldn’t open up your relationship — or even talk about opening up your relationship — if you’re in a “good” place. But there are lots of happily open couples out there who were in a good place emotionally (getting along, still in love) but not in a great place sexually (getting bored, stuck in a rut) when they first discussed opening the relationship. And that convo — opening up a relationship or keeping it closed — is never boring.
3. Is not having sex a reason to end a relationship you’ve invested 7 years in? Other than not having sex, we have a great relationship. He used to take testosterone, which helped, but he hasn’t been able to get his prescription filled in a long time. We are both in our mid-50s, we live together, we work together. He is my boss, and he owns the company.
Sexual neglect, sexual dissatisfaction, sexual frustration, sexual incompatibility — all perfectly good reasons to end a sexually exclusive relationship. If your boss/partner refuses to do anything about this… like get his testosterone prescription refilled… and you’re afraid that addressing the matter directly by asking for an open relationship could result in you being single and unemployed, then DWYNTDTSMASS.
4. How does one get started with Becoming a Dominatrix 101?
“Dommes can be soft and sweet, cold and mean, and everything in-between,” said Inanna Justice, a Paris-based pro Domme. “Be yourself — stay true to who you are — and you’ll attract play partners who can help you find practices and philosophies that correspond to your inner Domme. As for finding inspiration outside yourself, that’s as easy as watching some good, ethical kink porn or reading a really good book.”
P.S. You might also get some good ideas reading Inanna Justice’s blog, which you’ll find on her website: InannaJustice.com.
5. Are lesbians really less exposed to STIs than others?
People who don’t have penetrative sex with men are less likely to be exposed to STIs. But lesbians are at a “not negligible” risk of STI exposure, according to the National Institutes of Health, and should get regular STI tests.
6. Why do I love eating men’s (freshly showered!) assholes so damn much?
Because they’re delicious.
7. How do I stretch my foreskin?
Very carefully.
8. How do I get my husband of 20 years to talk dirty to me during sex?
Encourage him to use my dirty talk tip for beginners: Tell me what you’re about to do (“I’m going to fuck the shit out of you”), tell me what you’re doing (“I’m fucking the shit out of you”), tell me what you just did (“I fucked the shit out of you.”)
Email your question for the column to [email protected] or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan. More Savage Love from Boulder Weekly.