Straight guy here in his late 40s married to a 40-year-old straight woman. We’ve been married for 16 years and have two young children. Our sex life is not satisfying, and I do not anticipate it will improve, as my wife is not open to much outside of weekly PIV, with one week off every month for her period, always in the same position.
She has given me one of two choices: I accept our sex life as-is or we divorce and move on. I feel satisfied with the other aspects of our marriage, and I don’t want to live separately from my children or break up our family. Is wanting a fulfilling sex life enough to blow everything else up? Should I suck it up for the sake of my family?
— Despairing In Maryland
It’s always the partner who wants more sex or more sexual variety who gets told that asking for more sex or more varied sex risks “blowing everything else up.” But couldn’t the same be said to someone like Mrs. DIM? By refusing to consider adding anything to the rotation, isn’t she risking a blow-up too?
I don’t want anyone having sex under duress to save their marriages, but if my husband was so unhappy with our sex life that he was considering leaving and/or cheating, I would be motivated to make some changes.
Sadly, DIM, you’re not married to me, and so you face a choice between sucking it up or blowing it up.
I am a man. I met a beautiful Nepalese woman at work. The co-worker who introduced us basically told me this woman was unhappily married. We started spending time together, and we have now been seeing each other for almost three years. Everyone on my end knows about her, but only a few close friends of hers know.
Most of her friends, also Nepalese, have told her that white men can’t be trusted, which I can’t really disagree with, given our history as a nation. And they are telling her that having a baby with her husband will improve their relationship. I think that’s the worst possible reason to have a kid, especially when the dude in question is an emotionally abusive POS.
I love this woman. I don’t want to push her to do anything she’s not ready to do, or that she doesn’t want to do. That would make me no better than all the other men she’s had in her life. But I’m starting to feel like this isn’t going to happen.
Am I an idiot to think she’ll ever leave him?
— Leaving Isn’t My Best Option
I’m not sure what your whiteness or your girlfriend’s Nepalese-ness have to do with your question, LIMBO, which is one I get all the time. You’re going to get the same answer everyone else gets: If she was gonna leave him for you, she would’ve already left.
My husband and I are very happy together, but our sex life has never really “clicked.” The sex feels like it should work out: We’re attracted to each other and we have similar sexual fantasies, mostly related to dom/sub stuff.
We have never really managed to bring our shared interest in d/s into our bedroom. We played with bondage, but I didn’t find it particularly hot because I know he would never actually hurt me, it all feels like play. Any advice?
— Been Dithering Since Marrying
Finding a very special guest star who not only shares your love of dom/sub stuff but really enjoys playing with couples will take effort, BDSM, but calling in the kink cavalry — outsourcing the domination to someone who might (but wouldn’t) actually hurt you — could help you and your husband find a groove that makes kink feel more possible/plausible when it’s just the two of you.
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