I am a 45-year-old woman married to a wonderful 43-year-old man. We just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. As we are sexually mismatched, part of our marriage agreement was that I would have my freedom.
I’ve had numerous lovers during our marriage. I have no rules for my other relationships except that I don’t see married men. Sexually, I am simple. I like handsome men, preferably younger, fit with nice cocks. When I find a lover who fucks me well, I can go a little out of my mind. I had a lover when we lived in Brussels who drove me to distraction.
It is happening again. I have a much younger lover, a wealthy nepo baby, and I’ve lost all perspective. I have accepted expensive jewelry, lavish vacations and designer clothes. It makes me feel cheap, but the sex is so great that I don’t care how he sees me.
I need to get out of this relationship. I know it is cowardly, but I am considering “ghosting” my nepo baby and then spending a month at our house in the Caribbean (where I still have a lover) before reuniting with my husband. What do you think? Is it OK to ghost this man?
— Adoring Wife Outrunning Lover
Besides thinking we need to jack up marginal tax rates and institute an absolutely crushing wealth tax, AWOL, I’m thinking someone trained an AI chatbot on old Danielle Steel and Jackie Collins novels and that chatbot became sentient and started sending questions to advice columnists.
If you can’t risk being in the same room with this guy — because his dick and his game are too good to resist — you can end things with an email or a text message or by overnighting him a cuneiform tablet. Don’t ghost: Use one of these many other options open to you.
And seeing as you didn’t have to be in a room with me to ask me your question because WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY, AWOL, you already knew you didn’t have to get in a room with your nepo baby to tell him it’s over before you sent this letter flaunting your outrageous fortune.
P.S. Happy to house sit for you at your place in the Caribbean the 10 months or so it sits empty every year. You know how to reach me!
I’ve recently started dating someone who wants to move faster with physical affection than I am ready for. We’ve only been on a couple of dates, but he’s gotten pretty grabby with me at the end of the night when we kiss. Now he’s asking to come to my house.
Part of me wants to say yes. It’s been a long time since I’ve had physical intimacy. But when I’m feeling overwhelmed, it’s not uncommon for me to shut down and disassociate, leading to experiences I don’t feel happy about later.
Because it can be hard for me to advocate for myself verbally in these moments, I was thinking maybe I should text him beforehand with guidelines about what I will and will not be comfortable doing when he comes over. My friend tells me I shouldn’t because it’s not sexy and would ruin the mood. What do you think?
— Slow Mover Somewhat Nervous
This guy — a guy who’s already gotten grabby with you in ways that made you uncomfortable — is either incapable of correctly interpreting your nonverbal cues, SMSN, or he understood your nonverbal cues perfectly and ignored them because he didn’t care how uncomfortable he was making you.
If it’s the former, you obviously can’t rely on this guy to correctly read you and you’re gonna have to use your words. If it’s the latter, you don’t wanna have him over to your place at all. To find out which it is, SMSN, send him that text message. His response will reveal a lot.
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