Q: MM spanking: I want it. I know other boys are getting it, as I see their pics and videos all over Twitter. Why can’t I find it?
A: “There’s a great app geared toward the MM spanking scene called Whappz that I’ve had some luck with,” said The Spanking Boy, a gay spanking enthusiast who’s had more luck finding play partners than you. “But I’ve personally had a lot of luck just using Grindr and with the ‘spanking’ tag, a hot profile pic and a bio that’s straight forward about what I’m looking for.”
Q: I’m getting mixed signals from someone who runs hot and cold, and I don’t know how to interpret some of the things he does. How do I get him to be clear about whether he wants to be with me or cut me loose?
A: Cutting him loose yourself will make something clear to him, and his reaction to being cut loose will provide you with the clarity you need.
Q: I’m in a sexless but otherwise wonderful marriage. Hubby knows about and supports my outside sex life. Recently, to my dismay, I contracted herpes. What are your thoughts about my obligation to tell potential sex partners? Does your answer change if I’m on meds? Does your answer change if I’m with one person as opposed to a sex club? The two people I did tell ran for the hills.
A: People who have casual sex with multiple partners — one at a time or one right after the other in a sex club — are volunteering for herpes. And while I think you should disclose, I can certainly understand why you might hesitate, given the irrational reactions you’ve received from people who should know better.
Q: My boyfriend cums in me frequently, but I’m not concerned about that. I have an IUD. However, I love to cum before and after penetration, and he will not finger me after he cums in me, fearing he will “push the sperm in deeper” and increase my chances of pregnancy. Can you help clear this up for us?
A: I don’t think your boyfriend is actually worried about your IUD failing — IUDs have very low failure rates — I think your boyfriend, like many men, not only rapidly loses interest in sex after he cums, he’s a little grossed out by the same fluids and activities that were turning him on immediately before he came. Maybe instead of asking him to put his fingers back inside you, you could ask him to use a toy on you instead.
Q: My boyfriend likes to be tied up and left alone. I’m happy to do it for him. But he also likes to be tied up and left alone when there are other people in our apartment who don’t know he’s tied up in another room. Is this a consent violation?
A: Yes, but it’s a minor one, and I will allow it. To have a clearer conscience, let your friends know your boyfriend is in the apartment but he’s working on something and in the zone or not feeling well and under the covers — either way, he won’t be coming out to say hello.
(For the record: Leaving someone alone in bondage is dangerous. If you’re going to do this dangerous thing — and I’m officially advising you not to do this dangerous thing — please Google and follow the safety tips.)
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