Savage Love: Get that gay bread

Sex and love advice from Dan Savage

By Dan Savage - Nov. 7, 2024
Gay-Bread

What’s the best way to find a loaf of gay bread and make a fuck sandwich? Gay guy here who wants to be the meat in one.

My single gay friends are constantly complaining to me that they never meet single-and-available guys online or out in the bars. All they’re meeting are partnered guys in open relationships and/or couples seeking thirds for an evening, a weekend, or a lifetime. So, finding that loaf of gay bread — finding a gay couple seeking meat — shouldn’t be that hard. Get on the apps, go the bars.

Do straight women belong in gay bars?

Some (straight women, gay bars), not all (straight women, gay bars). 

How do I stop people from falling in love with me when they meet me?

Put that MAGA hat on.

Do all straight men secretly want something up the ass?

Considering that not all gay men want something up the ass, I feel pretty confident saying not all straight men want something up the ass. What’s different now is that straight men who do want something up their asses are less likely to feel shame and more likely to ask people — randos, FWBs, sex workers, romantic partners, spouses, etc. — to put something up their asses.

How do you stop wanting what you can’t have? 

By focusing on something you can actually get — or someone you can actually get — and then willing yourself to believe you wanted this other something/someone as much or more than you wanted the something/someone you couldn’t have.

How do I stay GGG even though I hate getting any kind of hair — including mine — in my mouth? 

Three options come to mind: seek out sex partners with alopecia; keep a hair clipper on the bathroom sink and tell new sex partners a quick trim gets them oral; or make a kinky virtue of irrational hangup and actively pursue perverts who get off on being ordered to keep their bodies hairless.

Are friends of exes or exes of friends always off limits?

No and no — and since anyone who believes they can declare exes or friends off limits needs to learn that they don’t actually have the power to do that, you’re doing people like that a favor when you fuck their friends and exes.

Is it okay to set up an online dating profile just to see what’s out there?

It is — but going places and doing things, e.g., joining and volunteering and partying, remains the single best way to see what’s out there.

My wife lost all interest in sex 10 years ago but insists I remain monogamous. Arguments often end with her angrily saying, “No one owes you sex.” What can I say in response to that?

“No one owes you celibacy.”

Is it rude to ask to borrow a hookup’s douche if you’re out of town and not prepared? 

Perhaps — but since shitting on someone’s dick would be far ruder, you should err on the side of asking to use their douche.

Any tips for mind-blowing blowjobs?

The best blowjob is 25-50% handjob.

Can I eat ass and pussy in the same session?

You can, but you shouldn’t.

How admirable is it to work as a fetish porn star in 2024?

A fetish porn star — or a humble porn content creator — is more admirable than a rightwing standup comic. 


Email your question for the column to [email protected] or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan.

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