Ask Michele: How to handle impostor syndrome at work

Question: I’m struggling with impostor syndrome at my tech job in Boulder. How can I feel more confident?

Answer: You’re not alone and you’re not uniquely bad. Impostor syndrome is that nagging sense that you don’t belong, that you faked your way into this, and any moment now, someone will expose you as the inept fraud that you are. While it feels so personal, it doesn’t reflect your actual competence. 

The impostor cycle

Why do we do this to ourselves? There’s comfort in the impostor identity. If we already see ourselves as failures, no one can catch us off guard. Inevitable shortcomings and judgments, we hope, will neither surprise nor break us; we saw them coming. So we play it safe. We avoid the vulnerability of testing our limits, of truly trying and failing. 

The confidence trap

Impostor syndrome stems more from perception than reality. Though it makes sense to desire belonging and to want more confidence, you don’t have to feel confident to be competent. Embrace your insecurity.

Confidence and correctness aren’t best friends. Imagine a teeter-totter: the more actual competence we have, the more doubt we tend to carry, while those who lack self-awareness often overvalue themselves. If you’re seriously questioning whether you belong, it’s probably a sign that you do.

Breaking the cycle: practical steps

1. Reframe insecurity as part of being alive. Feeling uncertain is not a sign of incompetence. It’s a sign that you’re engaged in something challenging and expansive. Even seasoned professionals experience doubt. The difference is how they interpret and respond to it. 
2. Identify functional impediments. Are you playing it safe to maintain the appearance of competence (which only limits your competence)? Push against these behaviors in small, manageable ways.
3. Normalize the experience with colleagues. Bring it up in casual conversations. “I worry I’m the only one who doesn’t know how to do this,” can lead to revealing discussions and neutralize fears. 
4. Shift from competition to connection. Instead of comparing yourself to colleagues in a way that makes you feel “less than,” try engaging with them as a learner. Compliment work you admire, ask about their process and use these moments to bond.
5. Adopt the “either win or learn” mentality. Tech thrives on innovation. Failure and iteration are built into the process. Every misstep is an opportunity to refine your approach. 
6. Redefine what confidence actually means. Confidence is moving forward despite self-doubt, knowing you’re resilient and will be okay, come what may. Remind yourself that the discomfort is temporary, but the insights you earn will last. 

The fear beneath the fear

For many, impostor syndrome is tied to deeper fears: abandonment, instability, being unworthy. Notice if this fear didn’t begin with your current job. Have you always been afraid of being “found out?” Of being unlovable? Understanding its origins can be a portal to deeper self-awareness and healing.

Question the system, man

It’s unhelpful to frame yourself as (un)deserving of people, tasks or jobs. You’re simply there, doing your best. Challenge the assumption that confidence has value. Why is it important to think you’re great? Between grandiosity and self-loathing, there’s space for humility and hope. You can earnestly apply your skills even when insecure about your potential. 

When we define ourselves through achievements, any doubt or struggle threatens our sense of self. Instead, let your trials, your failings and successes, be normal steps in professional growth. You’re free to try harder and fall on your face when work doesn’t determine your total value as a human. 

Compare and despair 

Comparing yourself to colleagues is a major driver of impostor-itis. We base our esteem on performance rather than inherent worth and then position ourselves above or below others. But comparisons rarely show the full picture. When you contrast your insides to others’ shiny outsides, you reach false conclusions about their quiet, personal truths; others feel small, too, even if they don't show it.

The learning curve

Every job has a period of adjustment to absorb new systems, workflows and team dynamics. You probably don’t know everything yet. Abilities are developed through effort rather than talent. This applies to learning a work environment as well. Welcome self-doubt as you confront your deficits by leaning in and trying again. 

Discernment

In black-and-white thinking, you lose unless you win. That’s an unhappy formula. Be thoughtful and specific when you evaluate your strengths and limits. Separate talent, experience, effort, knowledge and wisdom. Identify ways that you are contributing at work that are effective and identify where there is room to grow. 

Being good at your job isn’t the same as feeling comfortable at work. You might feel insecure about speaking up in meetings even if you’re a skilled problem-solver. Or you might hesitate to ask questions because you fear looking inexperienced. The key is to work on both your diverse set of skills and how you see yourself, instead of assuming one reflects the other.

Addressing the social ecosystem

Tech culture can amplify impostor syndrome. If you feel like an outsider, what else about the environment contributes to that sense of not belonging? Is it the way people communicate? A culture of posturing and competition? Homogeneous interests? Determine whether your doubts are about you, or about workplace culture.

Others’ confidence may be hiding their own insecurities. Focus on your growth to stay in charge of how you see yourself. And when you can, genuinely wish others well, even those who seem competitive or bring up feelings of inadequacy.

Moving forward

It’s natural and healthy to question yourself. Impostor syndrome isn’t a personal struggle, but a shared human experience. Meet your shame with nonjudgmental presence and self-compassion. Build a steadier, more grounded sense of who you are at work by emphasizing meaningful participation, continuous learning and connection. 

You’re imperfect and enough, and you are there for a reason. Keep going. You’re not behind; you’re becoming.

Write in with your questions: bit.ly/AskaTherapistBW. For a deeper dive, visit findyourcentertherapy.com/blog.

This column provides general mental health insights. This advice is for informational/entertainment purposes only and does not constitute professional, personalized medical, psychological or therapeutic treatment. While we strive for accuracy and inclusion, our feedback may not account for all competing theories and research in the field.