I am a 30-year-old cishet woman. I have been dating this guy for about six months. and he is perfect. We have great sex. The caveat is that I have never had an orgasm during sex with him.
I have always had a very challenging time achieving orgasm with partners, whether male or female. The thing my partner loves most about sex is when his partner starts getting loud right before or during her orgasm. So, I started faking orgasms when we first started dating and hoped that things would change as we got to know each other’s bodies.
Six months later, I’m still not having orgasms. The few times where I haven’t faked it, he can still cum, but he really ruminates on it.
Having an orgasm isn’t the goal for myself during sex. What I love is the physical intimacy, feeling close to my partner and providing pleasure to someone I deeply care about. However, the lie is weighing on me. I can see myself marrying this guy, but am I going to be faking orgasms for 40 years?
– Future About Keeping Everything Real
What your boyfriend needs is not your orgasms, FAKER, it’s your copulatory vocalizations: the noises female primates tend to make during sex. And this is where gay porn comes in.
I’ve encouraged opposite-sex couples who wanna have simultaneous orgasms during PIV to watch gay porn and pay close attention to what the bottoms are doing in scenes where the top and bottom cum at the same time. But what I want you and your partner to watch for are scenes where the top cum but the bottom doesn’t.
If watching gay PIB turns you off — there are a lot of closeups and anal isn’t for everybody — you can close your eyes and listen, FAKER, because it’s actually what you’re gonna hear that’s important: bottoms getting loud and staying loud even when they don’t cum. There’s nothing the least bit insincere about their copulatory vocalizations.
The only way to avoid having to fake orgasms for the next 40 years is by getting your boyfriend to understand that your copulatory vocalizations — even in the absence of an orgasm — are signals of your sexual pleasure and (sigh) his sexual prowess.
Your boyfriend should be able to wrap his head around the fact that you’re already giving him everything he needs in the runup to his orgasm. Even if he can’t make you come during PIV, he can make you howl.
I’m a middle-aged gay man who has been out for 20 years. A couple months ago, a gay mate of mine messaged me on Grindr because he saw my profile. My friend sent me a screenshot of the account: It’s a picture of my twin brother, who is married to a woman and has three kids.
Is he cheating on his wife? Is he gay? Is his marriage a sham? Is he bi and only out to his wife and has her consent to meet up with guys? Do I ask him what’s going on?
– Outing Unwitting Twin Sibling
The answer to your first four questions is: He could be! The answer to your fifth — Do you ask your brother what’s going on? — you should! To walk into a gay bar is to out yourself. Same goes for posting face pics to Grindr.
If you and your brother were estranged, OUTS, or if your brother was a ranting, raving homophobe and you had cause to fear a violent reaction, I would advise you against asking. But seeing as you two have a good relationship, and seeing as we aren’t required to internalize or mirror other people’s shame about being gay (it’s a question, not an insult), I think you should tell your brother a friend spotted him on Grindr and ask him what’s up.
The fact that you and your brother share the exact same DNA — and hence the exact same face — gives you more grounds to ask the dreaded direct question. I’m guessing it’s not a problem when your face appears on Grindr, as you’re in an open relationship and presumably allowed to post face (and other) pics to hookup apps, but the gay world is small. It was inevitable that someone you knew would see your brother’s photos on Grindr and assume they were yours and it would get back to you. If your brother didn’t know that before he uploaded photos of the face you share to Grindr, he’s about to find out.
I’m 36-year-old cis woman, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over 15 years. We’ve generally happy and we have a great and very active sex life. We’ve never gotten married.
I made it clear at different points in our relationship that I was open to it, but he’s always been against it. Lately I’ve been feeling more and more like the fact that we haven’t gotten married yet is an indicator that something is deeply wrong with our relationship.
I’ve got no interest in giving him an ultimatum. What do I do?
— Relationship Isn’t Nearing Goal
If you wanna marry this man, stop waiting for him to pop the question and pop it yourself already.
While a person can fake wanting to fuck you and/or spend time with you, a person can only fake that shit for so long. Based on your description of your relationship, RING, I’d say your boyfriend genuinely loves you.
There’s always a risk, of course, that a reluctant-to-marry or doesn’t-see-the-point type partner will end the relationship, but if he can’t have you without marrying you, RING, suddenly marriage has a point. And if he refuses to marry you, you have the option of backing down.
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