You might have been wondering where I’ve been and what happened that kept me from writing the disability column. It all started with a bad case of COVID.
I’ve had COVID before, but this time I suffered from body aches, fever and horrible coughing. I had to isolate myself, so I just laid in bed, miserable for days.
As the typical COVID symptoms went away, I was left very depressed. I eventually became suicidal. My family had experienced a couple of suicides, so they didn’t wait to take me to the emergency room at Boulder Medical Center.
I was put on a 72-hour suicidal hold and transferred to an acute unit meant to stabilize mental illness. Unfortunately, the unit was not good for me. I only felt even more isolated. I referred to the unit as a prison when my cousin visited me. I was kept at the acute care unit over the weekend and was released without any treatment or improvement.
My mom took it upon herself to save her daughter. She got me an emergency appointment with my primary care provider, who told us that doctors have seen that COVID can cause inflammation of the brain, which must have triggered and heightened my depression.
I was prescribed an antidepressant and a sleeping aid. Mom then started me with a therapist.
The combination of drugs and therapy would take at least a few weeks to take effect. My mom and I struggled with my negative thoughts and constant desire to sleep. I was a mess and couldn’t sleep even though I was desperately tired.
Eventually, my mood started to improve, and I began to get back to things that I used to do. Before my mental episode, I was always on Zoom meetings working on disability advocacy. I was also active with adaptive sports. When my depression took over, I wasn’t showering or answering my calls, texts or emails. All I wanted to do was stay in bed. My behavior was scaring my friends and family.
I had this obsession with drinking cold water. I haven’t been able to swallow for 10 years, so it didn’t make sense for me to want to drink. I also seemed to grieve over the fact that I couldn’t walk, something I have processed over the past decade.
After about two months, I’m now much better and have a therapist who I like. I have hope that I’m coming out of this nightmare.
I’m sharing this because mental health is not talked about enough. I also want people to know that COVID can easily cause other medical issues.
Some refer to this as long COVID. I believe that my long COVID was a result of isolation. I became used to staying in bed. Then it turned colder and, thanks to Daylight Savings Time, it got darker earlier. This combination made me want to stay wrapped in my covers.
I believe this happens to a lot of people, and I want them to know that they are not alone. Let’s normalize making mental health a priority. Legitimize seeking help and remove the shame of needing help.
Jenn Ochs lives in Boulder and enjoys listening to music, podcasts and audiobooks while painting or drawing. She is a disability rights advocate and a graduate from Baylor University in Texas, which is where she realized that Boulder is the best place to live.