1. I’m 53-year-old straight woman. I’ve been talking with a guy online for three years — text, voice, video. I am in love with him. He is my daily companion and says he loves me. He lives 269 miles away. He doesn’t want to meet me, although he isn’t married and lives alone. I’ve tried going out with other people, but I am stuck on him. I definitely want more. Do I leave him or keep trying?
Can you leave someone you’ve never met? I’m not sure — but you can do the next best thing(s): You can block his number, you can block him on your socials, you can block his email address.
2. I have a disgusting and embarrassing problem. I have chronic IBS, and every time my husband and I want to have sex doggy-style, my butt smells and he loses his erection. I have tried a number of things: changes to my diet; a treatment for SIBO; a colonoscopy/endoscopy; even using a bidet. Nothing has helped. The gastroenterologist proposed not having doggy-style sex, but that’s my favorite position! Please help.
Maybe it’s time to think outside the healthcare/health interventions box. Get your husband a rubber hood and gasmask with a long breathing tube, and your husband can fling his breathing tube over his shoulder or get a longer one that runs down to the floor. You won’t be able to have doggy-style sex spontaneously if you need to get dress in full rubber before you get started — but it’s your favorite position, so why not make it an occasion?
3. I’m in love with my sex worker. Can it ever be more than it is?
It could — if the feelings are mutual and you’re not one of those guys who wants “his” sex worker to stop seeing other clients. You’re dating her, not taking possession of her.
4. How to survive going long-distance — suddenly and temporarily — at the beginning of a relationship?
Lean into the big dirties: dirty texts, dirty pics, dirty video chats.
5. Recommendations for other sex advice columnists with a female perspective? I’ve been reading your stuff for years, lots of value, but I need a fresh perspective. Anyone you’d care to pawn me and my problems off on?
My recommendations: Lori Gottlieb, Carolyn Hax, Damona Hoffman, E. Jean Carroll, Xaviera Hollander, and — still, always, forever — Judith “Miss Manners” Martin.
6. Just opening up our relationship! Any advice?
Take copious notes for your inevitable memoir.
7. Why doesn’t my boyfriend want me to see his butthole? We’ve been in a relationship for almost ten years.
He’s not ready to introduce you to his parasitic twin.
22. Your best idea for non-sexual intimacy?
Find those small, doable things that don’t allow for conversation but don’t require it and do it every day. For instance, I get up first and have breakfast. When Terry comes down, he makes coffee and as soon as he sits down, I get up and make him eggs. Sometimes we sit in silence; sometimes we sit and talk.
Find something small you can do for your partner on a daily basis, and do it every damn day.
23. Cunnilingus tips?
Twenty percent for good service, twenty-five percent for excellent service.
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