Dear Dan: I’ve been faithfully reading your column in the Chicago Reader for years, and now I’m reaching out to you about my own problem. I’ve been dating this guy for almost a year. Everything is great, except one thing: He wants me to kick him in the nuts. It really bothers me, and I’m not sure what to do. He’s very serious about it, and he brings it up every single day. It makes me really uncomfortable that this is some sort of fetish of his and I need help taking steps forward.
P.S. I play soccer, and I kick hard.
—To Kick Or Not To Kick
Dear TKONTK: It’s a kink called “ball busting,” TKONTK, and as long as you don’t kick him full force — or even half force — you’re unlikely to do permanent damage. That said, childless guys who are into ball busting are often advised to freeze their sperm just in case. And while it’s not a hugely popular kink, it’s common enough that ball busting porn exists, and ball busting Tumblrs, ball busting blogs, etc. Take it slow at first, particularly if your guy has only fantasized about this and not experienced it.
P.S. A guy who brings up his kink every single day deserves to be kicked in the nuts — unless he’s into ball busting, in which case he doesn’t deserve to be kicked in the nuts.
Dear Dan: My husband and I were married in Toronto, Canada, in 2005, before marriage equality came to the United States. Does the U.S. government recognize our Canadian marriage or do we need to remarry in the U.S.? Can you find out from one of your legal friends?
—Does Our Marriage Apply?
Dear DOMA: “The U.S. government does recognize your marriage,” said Robbie Kaplan, one of my legal friends — and the attorney who represented Edith Windsor before the U.S. Supreme Court and won. In United States v. Windsor, the Supreme Court ruled that the federal government was required to recognize legal same-sex marriages, thereby gutting the Defense of Marriage Act. “We did the same thing,” Kaplan added. “We were married in Toronto in 2006, and the U.S. recognizes our marriage. No need to get married again here.”
Dear Dan: Hi Dan, I am getting in touch because I thought you might be interested in the following article: “Getting to the Bottom of Pegging.” For open-minded people who are open to butt play, pegging is a great way to spice things up in the bedroom. But what exactly is pegging and why is it a thing now? Sex and relationships expert, Tami Rose, knows how important it is to try new things in the bedroom. She would be able to provide an article explaining what pegging is and tips for your more adventurous readers who want to give it a go. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
—[Redacted] PR Agency
Dear PR Agency: Pegging? Never heard of it. Wait — what’s that, Wikipedia? “Pegging is a sexual practice in which a woman performs anal sex on a man by penetrating the man’s anus with a strap-on dildo… The neologism ‘pegging’ was popularized when it became the winning entry in a contest in Dan Savage’s Savage Love sex advice column [in 2001].”
Dear Dan: What’s the fairest way to determine who should get tied up?
—Bondage Bottom Boyfriends
Dear BBB: Whoever was tied up last time does the tying up this time and vice versa.
Dear Dan: How much sex is too much sex?
—Numb Over Numbers
Dear NON: “Enough is as good as a feast.” —Mary Poppins
Send questions to mail@savagelove.net, follow @fakedansavage on Twitter and visit ITMFA.org.
