Tit for tat
A man accused of murder is having his day in a Florida court this week, and he’s getting some free taxpayer-funded makeup to ensure he gets a fair trial.
According to news reports, John Allen Ditullio, Jr., is a neo-Nazi whose face and neck are covered with tattoos, including one of a swastika. He could face the death penalty if he is convicted of stabbing a teenager to death in 2006, a crime that prosecutors say was motivated by racism and homophobia. The state is paying for a cosmetologist to cover up the tattoos each day of the trial.
Hey, we’re all for giving people a fair shake, innocent until proven guilty, and all of that jazz. But if this guy voluntarily got a swastika tattoo on his face, so that everyone would know what his putrid views are, then the jury should have that same opportunity. Hey, it’s his free speech, right? He should stand by such a permanent, public statement if he’s so proud of it.
Besides, this is a slippery slope. Should state taxpayer dollars also be used to provide wigs to skinheads?
Puffer season
Some people might hear the term “puffer season” and think we’re talking about a particularly dank crop of weed or a gay pride parade. There’s also a definition in the urban dictionary that’s not fit for a family newspaper, but you can look it up. It involves flatulence, let’s just put it that way.
But in this case, we’re referring to the Colorado State Patrol’s recent warning to drivers about the winter danger of leaving your car running, unattended, to warm it up in the cold weather, or to run inside the 7-Eleven to grab a Mountain Dew and some Slim Jims.
You see, would-be robbers can see the smoke coming out of your tailpipe in the winter because it’s so damn cold, and when they see no one behind the wheel, it’s practically a written invitation to steal your ride. The cops refer to this peak auto theft period as “puffer season,” apparently.
Anyway, you’ve been warned. Don’t leave your car puffing, even if you are a puffer in any other sense of the word.
Make me disappear
We recently received an interesting missive from a guy named Frank Ahearn, who claims to be “a privacy expert who works with people who need to disappear.”
Mr. Ahearn says his clients include “victims of stalkers, celebrities searching for more privacy and others who need to fall off the grid or live under the radar!” He then goes on to pimp his book, the aptly named How to Disappear. But wait, there’s more! If you order now, your enemies can also pay to have you found! The small print at the end of the so-called press release states, “Also, if you are ever in need of an expert on locating people, disappearances, pseudocide, social engineering, online scams and other topics of deception, I am available for comment.”
We’d pass along some contact information, but this guy is so good we couldn’t track him down.
Cheney charged
At least Nigeria has the balls to file charges against Dick Cheney. Cheney, who was CEO of Halliburton before becoming Shrub’s vice president in 2001, is being accused of bribery by Nigeria’s Economic and Financial Crimes Commission. Nigeria alleges that Halliburton, one of its subsidiaries and other companies paid $180 million in bribes to Nigerian officials between 1994 and 2004 to win a $6 billion liquefied natural gas plant contract, according to Bloomberg.
In a surprising twist, Halliburton denied the charges. Nice. We can think of some of other things to charge Cheney with. His natural gas and hot air are the least of the offenses.
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