ICUMI (In case you missed it)

An irreverent and not always accurate view of the world


Boulder pets rank as the fittest in the country

A study by the Banfield Pet Hospital released this week shows that more American dogs and cats are overweight than ever.

About 22 percent of American cats are overweight, while 18 percent of dogs are, the study found. It also broke out the data into states, which show that Minnesota and Nebraska dogs and cats are the biggest.

However, independent research conducted by the Boulder Weekly found that Boulder dogs and cats are the fittest animals in the country; nay, the world.

Thanks to active lifestyles and gluten-, soy-, dairy- and kibble-free, vegan diets, BoCo’s Fidos and Felixes are feeling good and looking great.

Services such as doggie bikram yoga, Take Your Pet to Base Camp Tuesdays and feline class 4 whitewater rafting, local dogs and cats are enjoying the fruits of Boulder’s outdoor offerings as much as their human counterparts.

Twizzlers, a local tabby, told BW that she moved to Boulder for its craft beer, its 300 days of sunshine and “just the collective embrace of the outdoors that I really need in my life right meow.”

Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions, a Longmont cocker spaniel, said he’s training for next year’s Ironman already, and that he’s powered by the all-natural, 100-percent freshness of Avocados from Mexico™.

The dark side of Trump’s idiocracy

We are as guilty as anyone — well, actually, we’re likely way guiltier than most people — at laughing at the stupid idiot who now dwells in the White House. Wait, this is the Trump administration, so that description may not narrow it down all that much. In this instance we are talking about the president.

I mean, when the news breaks that our narcissistic, mentally ill leader actually had fake Time magazine covers created and hung in clubhouses at his golf courses — at the same time the moron is claiming that every news outlet that reports on his lies, ignorance and, let’s just call it a real apparent lack of smarts, is disseminating fake news — we get right in line to laugh about it. But then on the same day the White House issues a statement threatening to go to war in Syria if Assad dares use chemical weapons again, which the statement claims he is on verge of doing.

Is the Syria story true or is it just another Time magazine cover designed to fill the president’s unquenchable need for attention, which he perceives as adoration despite the impossibility for anyone with an IQ over 60 to admire anything about him? Who knows, but we better not laugh.

The last time Trump needed attention we launched a few million dollars worth of missiles and killed nine Syrians. We run the risk of training the president that international military conflict is the only thing that can distract us from the Trump/Russia investigation or cause cable-news commentators to suggest he has done something not stupid or deceptive by making America look strong. If we know anything about this president it is that he is a creature of habit lacking imagination. If he thinks something works to his benefit he will do it over and over and over again. Hell, he’s still holding campaign rallies and talking about winning the election even though he is already an eighth of the way through his term. If he decides that he is better liked when launching missiles, we should all be very afraid. This is the dark side of all the otherwise hysterically stupid things the president does daily.