A memory I can hardly remember…


A memory I can hardly remember,
My first memory?
Dangling by a string,
So close to being lost.

I know it is Spring,
The Lilac tree is in bloom,
But I don’t recollect it in the words that would define things later on,
Merely the sight of lavender highlighted by a sun straight above,
And this wonderful scent that spawned more goose bumps than the refreshing upstate NY breeze.

Tiny chubby fingers scrape across this scratchy surface,
I know now it would eventually be my favorite blanket to take naps on in kindergarten,
But this was some time before that,
When the grass cut short stood up to my knees,
And I was scared to pass the boundaries of my blanket,
Yet I felt relief in the comfort of my own space amongst my serene surroundings.

Everything seemed to bring warmth.
The Large blue sky with white puffy clouds darting in and out of view
From under the branches of lavender splendor,
The sun gradually meandering up and over those green blades of soft grass,
And then go dark from the large cloud’s eclipse,
To once again burst bright a few infinite seconds afterward,
Soothing smooth skin touched by the delicate embrace of the sun’s rays.

It was like an epiphany,
My first one?
Suddenly there was the knowledge that a whole world was out there
waiting for me
to find the courage to search for things I yet to know—
new goose bumps formed—
a different kind,
formed from the immense feeling of anticipation intertwined with the unexplained,
and I knew I would leave that blanket someday.

A memory I can hardly remember,
But the way it all made me feel is just as alive as it was that day—
Maybe that is why slight remnants still cling to me.
My memories get more compacted as time slides on by,
and sensitivities get duller with the repetitive rotation of
happenings cosmic and everything less than;

My memories lack the fine details of recollection, reality,
or even fact,
But I believe in them anyway
And cherish them…

John E. Epic is an existential poet that has performed poems across the country, ranging from leather-footing days of youth to domesticated stability.  

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