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Home » Articles »   By Ryan Syrek
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Thursday, July 10,2014

Ice, ice maybe

‘Snowpiercer’ is a glimpse into an odd future

By Ryan Syrek
In quite possibly the most literal scifi metaphor ever, the rich live lives of luxury at the front of the train. The poor are bound to the back, where they are crammed in tight quarters, eating “protein bars” made of stuff that makes hot dog ingredients sound delicious.
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Thursday, July 3,2014

Not so fast, Rick Santorum

Only fans of choice will choose ‘Obvious Child’

By Ryan Syrek
Donna is a woman without artifice, comfortable telling rooms full of strangers about her flatulence. When her boyfriend, Ryan (Paul Briganti), dumps her, Donna goes on a bender that includes the most uncomfortable stand-up routine not performed by a former Seinfeld.
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Thursday, June 26,2014

Freaky Frequency

‘The Signal’ is icky good

By Ryan Syrek
For a movie reviewer, having a favorite genre kinda feels like a parent having a favorite child; oh, they totally do, they’re just not supposed to talk about it. Well, just like your mom told your sister when you were out of earshot, if all other genres were out of the room, I’d totally tell indie sci-fi that it’s my favorite.
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Thursday, June 19,2014

Sequel, heal thyself

‘22 Jump Street’ cures sequelitis

By Ryan Syrek
Pretend you were excited for the big screen version of 21 Jump Street. Yeah, nobody believes you. Writers Michael Bacall and Jonah Hill teamed up with directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller for the most hilarious, self-aware adaptation of a Richard Greico television show ever attempted. A sequel was inevitable. Yet somehow this sequel is far better than we deserve.
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Thursday, June 12,2014

Control-Z Cruise

‘The Edge of Tomorrow’ doesn’t need an undo button

By Ryan Syrek
Every time Tom Cruise, the greatest modern matinee idol, makes a new movie, everybody rushes to fuse artist and art and spews out some variation of “I just don’t like him anymore.” America’s collective moral stance seems to be that we should never forget that someone belongs to a douchey faith but we should purge memories of other horrid things actors have done, like domestic abuse. Disagree? Tell it to Sean Penn’s two Oscars.
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Thursday, June 5,2014

So choose one, Seth

‘A Million Ways to Die in the West’ is vile

By Ryan Syrek
Anna (Charlize Theron) blows into town, she agrees to help Albert win a duel against Louise’s new boyfriend, Foy (Neil Patrick Harris). Of course, she sees the nicety nice niceness of Albert as irresistible and cannot wait to reward him with sex.
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Thursday, May 22,2014

Atomic blast ‘Godzilla’ is radioactive fun

By Ryan Syrek
The film opens in the late ’90s. Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston) and his wife Sandra (Juliette Binoche) are investigating bizarre seismic readings at the nuclear reactor where they work. Things do not go well. The nuclear station goes kablooey, Sandra is killed and Joe spends the next 15 years trying to get to the bottom of what really happened.
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Thursday, May 15,2014

Hazy Hazings

‘Neighbors’ is hilarious-ish

By Ryan Syrek
Let’s start with something that’s apparently really, really hard for edgy comedy people to grasp: jokes about rape or the N-word suck, and you suck for using them. Yes, you are allowed to make them; they aren’t illegal or anything.
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Thursday, May 8,2014

Squash the spider, man!

‘The Amazing Spider-Man 2’ is icky

By Ryan Syrek
Screenwriters Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman are franchise serial killers, having parasitically attached themselves to Transformers and Star Trek, among others. That two living, breathing human beings can routinely produce content this noxious and vapid without remorse is almost impressive.
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Thursday, May 1,2014

Sex will kill you

Decoding the meaning of ‘Under the Skin’

By Ryan Syrek
Director Jonathan Glazer and writer Walter Campbell’s Under the Skin joins the smallest movie subgenre: brilliant but batshit insane.
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