Dear Dr. Jenni,
I’m going camping in July for five days with my boyfriend. We have been camping before, but never for this long. I expect that my boyfriend will want sex, being gone so long. I’m really nervous about this. What if I don’t get lubricated enough? What if he ejaculates inside of me and I can’t shower after? What if I smell really bad and he doesn’t have interest, or vice versa? I hate having to go down on him unless he has taken a shower. Do you have any suggestions?
—Cramped About Camping
From your questions, it sounds like you are camping for a month! Many people have sex while camping, and many don’t because of the logistics you described. If you are intent on having sex in those five days, I suggest a few things.
One, bring condoms. Condoms may or may not be your first choice of birth control, but they help mitigate the mess of ejaculate—which is enormously helpful when camping. Two, bring lube. It solves your lubrication issue, whether camping or not. Keep in mind, bears are intrigued by new smells, so unscented lube is preferable. In addition, bring wet wipes. These are essential for cleaning the genitals whether or not sexual activity is involved.
As for cleanliness around for oral sex, you might want to hold off until after the trip. Putting restrictions on certain activities for short periods of time can be a fun way to create yearning and desire. You may find yourselves daydreaming of that shower, and the oral pleasure post-shower!
Dear Dr. Jenni,
My boyfriend and I have a happy and healthy sex life, but he won’t stop calling 1-900 sex hotlines. I’ve asked him to stop, but he says he’s not interacting with real people. I disagree — there are real people on the other end of the line. I don’t mind if he watches porn, but the phone calling irritates me, and I’m worried it will escalate. What should I do?
—Phone Sex Addiction?
Dear Phone Sex,
Typically, men are more visually oriented, hence the multi-billion dollar success of porn. However, stimulation comes in many colors, and some people prefer to access their arousal through imagination, smell, taste and in your boyfriend’s case, hearing.
Just because he prefers to use his ears versus his eyes doesn’t necessarily solve your issue. You are both correct. The people on the other end of the line have a pulse and are, indeed, real human beings. But you could say the same for the actors on a porn screen. He may not see the phone call operators as real because in his mind they are objects of fantasy.
The question is, has he always used sex hotlines for his means of self-pleasure? If so, the chances of his behavior escalating are low. If you have a healthy and happy sex life, then you are in a good position to explore this. Perhaps you could explore phone sex together, having him call you to play out a fantasy.
On the other hand, if this is a new behavior where phone time has continuously increased, then I suggest going to a counselor. A third party can help both of you better see the other’s perspective in a more fair light.
Send questions for Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., to drjenni@theintimacyinstitute. org. Skyler is a sex therapist and boardcertified sexologist who runs The Intimacy Institute in Boulder, www. theintimacyinstitute.org.