Dear Dan: I’m 26 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for a year. In the first week of dating, he disclosed his adult-baby side. Trying to be a GGG partner, I told him I supported him and dove right in, even though I felt uncomfortable. He likes me to dress him up and let him pee while wearing diapers, and he likes to dress me up. I feel “icky” and even violated afterward — though everything has always been consensual. I want to be comfortable with it, but I’m just not there. When I’ve expressed my discomfort, it’s made him upset and embarrassed. Another confusing thing:
My vagina always gets way wetter than usual when he puts a diaper on me. But I can’t seem to get to a place where I actually feel like I’m enjoying it. Is it fair that I feel resentful for not being given more understanding for my mixed feelings? Is there a way I can break through and enjoy this? (We have plenty of vanilla sex, which he is totally into as well.)
— Adult Diapers Under Lover’s Terms
Dear ADULT: Something about being put in a diaper turns you on. (The particular sensations it creates in your swimsuit area? The tabooness of being a non-incontinent adult in a diaper?) But that turn-on is short-circuited by your discomfort. And if your turn-on is grounded in the sensations and/or the taboo, ADULT, you may never become comfortable with your boyfriend’s kink. Quite the opposite: The more you do it, the less surprising the sensations will come to feel, the less naughty it will feel, the less of an accidental/bank-shot turn-on diapers will become.
Being GGG doesn’t require a person to do whatever the hell their partner wants. Remember what GGG stands for: “Good in bed (work on those skills), giving of pleasure (without always expecting immediate reciprocation) and game for anything — within reason.” It’s unreasonable of your partner to ask you to continue engaging in diaper play when it leaves you feeling violated. You gave it a shot, it’s not working for you, and you have to be able to discuss your feelings — and your limits — without him playing mad and/or hurt. Right now, you’re engaging in diaper play not out of a GGG desire to meet his needs, ADULT, but because you’re afraid of upsetting him. So you’re not consenting from a place of honest desire (a desire to do a particular thing, a desire to please your partner) but from a place of fear — you don’t fear him, but you fear hurting him. No wonder it leaves you feeling like shit.
Here’s what you should say: “Hey, honey, it’s great that you have a fetish, and I’m glad you felt comfortable sharing it with me. But I don’t enjoy it, and I don’t think I ever will. So this is something you should explore with other people. Get yourself a diaper pal, play to your heart’s content, and then come home and have awesome vanilla sex with me.”
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