Dear Dan: We have a new shorthand term for BDSM doms who are abusive assholes: Ghomeshi doms. Good guys into BDSM should stick this in their online profiles: “I’m a nice, non-Ghomeshi dom looking for a lady who is into…”
—Banish Abusive Doms
Dear BAD: Jian Ghomeshi is the CBC radio host who was fired last week after three women leveled accusations of sexual assault against him. Eight women have now spoken to the press; two have allowed themselves to be named. Ghomeshi claims that he is into BDSM and that all of these encounters were consensual, BAD, but I don’t believe that Ghomeshi is a consensual kinkster. I believe he’s a serial abuser who leveraged his fame against the women he assaulted and who is now hiding behind the culture of consent that characterizes responsible BDSM communities and practitioners. So I think it would be a mistake for BDSMers to work his name — even in a negative sense — into their lingo/slang/shorthand, BAD. He’s not one of you. He never was. (I wrote two long posts about Ghomeshi on my blog — google my name and his and they pop right up.)
Dear Dan: My brother and I married two incredible women. Our wives were good friends before we started dating them. My brother has always been my best friend, so the four of us spend a lot of time together. Recently, a couple of drinks turned into a bunch, and then my wife and sister-in-law started making out. Then they fucked. It was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. We ended up pairing off with our respective partners and having sex in the same room. The next morning, the same thing happened again — wives fucked each other, we watched, then we fucked our wives in front of each other — and now my wife tells me that she and her friend would like to date each other. The group sessions would continue. (But no wife-swapping: MW sex between husband and wife only!) Everyone seems on board. I knew my wife was bi before we married, and we’ve talked before about her having a girlfriend, so I’m fine with that part. It’s hot and it feels safe since we all trust each other. I guess my question is: Is this a terrible idea? Is it creepy and/or incestuous to watch your brother fuck his wife? Does this sound like a setup for the messiest breakup ever, or does something like this ever work out long-term?
—Brothers Respectfully Aroused Humping Spouses
Dear BRAHS: The exact same things that make this arrangement feel so safe and so logical — your wives were friends before you and your brother married them, the four of you were tight before your wives started fucking each other — will turn this into a screaming nightmare should things go south. If things get messy — if there’s one or more conflicts that require taking sides — you and your brother are going to find yourself in positions that make Reverse Cowgirl Bleached Anal Handstand look easy. Because you’re all so close. But the train has already left the station, BRAHS: Your wives are doing each other, and they’d like to date each other, and you and your brother want to keep watching your wives fuck and then fucking your respective wives in front of each other. I would advise you all to get together for nonalcoholic beverages and for everyone to promise that you will be mature, reasonable, and forgiving adults if/when this — the wives dating, the semiincestuous (but maritally binary) quad-ways — comes to an end. Agreeing to an amicable breakup in advance of a breakup is no guarantee that things will end amicably, of course, but it improves the odds. As for the incest and long-term angles: Watching your brother fuck someone strikes me as creepy, BRAHS, but it doesn’t meet the legal definition of incest. So Yahtzee for you. And while I haven’t heard of an arrangement like this working out over the long-term, BRAHS, I’ve also never heard of an arrangement like this. Some things you expect to work out don’t, and some things you don’t expect to work out do. Good luck, gang.
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