September 3 - 9, 2009
editorial@boulderweekly.com

Baby, you can drive my car
First dates are difficult. You have to look good and smell nice and pick your potential beau up in a hot, new ride if you want to impress them. But what if you don’t have a hot, new ride? What if you cruise around in a windowless van that has the words “Free Ice Cream… Don’t Worry, I’m Not A Pedophile” painted on the side? Or worse yet, what if you don’t have a car at all?

Not long ago, a Michigan man named Terrance Dejuan McCoy was faced with such a dilemma. But did Terrance let that stop him from having a great first date? No, he did not. Terrance decided to improvise.

After getting dressed up and splashing on some cologne, Terrance met his date at a Buffalo Wild Wings in the Detroit suburb of Ferndale. (Note to women: if a man says he’s taking you to a Buffalo Wild Wings anywhere near Detroit, expect bad things to happen.)

When they were seated, McCoy told the woman that he’d left his wallet in her car and asked for her keys. He then walked to the parking lot, got into her 2000 Chevy Impala and drove away.

Unfortunately, Terrance is not quite the criminal mastermind that he appears to be. Police quickly identified him from the picture he’d sent to the woman’s cell phone (come on, dude; you had to see that one coming), and they arrested him for unlawfully taking the car.

However, we’d like to interject on Terrance’s behalf. Perhaps it was just a misunderstanding. Maybe good ol’ Terrance got confused about that new cash-for-clunkers incentive. Or perhaps he just wanted to show the girl a good time on their second date. After all, now Terrance can impress her with his hot, new ride.

Headed to the dog house
With a down economy, people go to all sorts of lengths to secure their needs, and even sometimes resort to crime. We’ve all heard about the woman who stole bread to feed her children, or the person who didn’t correct the check-out teller when they forgot to ring up a couple of items. While people can debate whether actions such as these are justifiable when things are down, there are some situations that just won’t pass the test.

A couple in Greeley, Colo., took it upon themselves to steal a Chihuahua from a dog shelter on Aug. 31. The couple reportedly spent quite a bit of time at K-9 Bed and Biscuit looking at adoptable pets, deciding on the perfect one. The perfect one, it seemed, was Walter, a four-pound Chihuahua.

But when visiting time was over, they decided to make a run for it — Chihuahua in tow.

Now, we can’t be sure what Walter is thinking right now. He might be glad to be living like an outlaw with a home on the road and a crew at his side. Do any dogs actually like living at the shelter anyway?

But there’s a good chance that our little pal may not be doing so well. Those who steal typically can’t afford luxuries like dog food or rabies shots. Also, the lower the moral compass, the more inclined a person might be to mistreat an animal.

So while we hope for Walter’s best, we’d also like to point out that these people stole from a dog shelter — you know, where they give animals away for free to loving homes. If police want to catch this couple, we suggest they look for any reports of people stealing food from the soup kitchen.

Camping while Latino
On Wednesday, Aug. 26, the U.S. Forest Service issued a warning urging the public to beware of campers who speak Spanish, play Spanish music, eat tortillas and drink Tecate beer because they may be armed and dangerous marijuana growers.

Um… Racial profiling, anyone? This description lists everything but probable skin color. We say “probable” because, hey, we’re Anglo and we love tortillas and Tecate, too.

Polly Baca, co-chairwoman of the Colorado Latino Forum, quickly denounced the Forest Service warning, pointing out that it could put Hispanic campers in danger.

The warnings were issued as the U.S. Forest Service attempts to figure out how much ganja is being grown in Colorado’s national forests. Earlier this month, officials found more than 14,000 plants growing in Pike National Forest. Law enforcement say that Latin American drug cartels may be smuggling people into the state in order to grow pot in remote parts of the mountains.

That might be true, but chances are guys like that wouldn’t just sit around a campfire eating tortillas, drinking Tecate and blasting Shakira while a family of four puts up a tent and start making s’mores next door. Besides, there are probably a lot of dope-growing types who eat Cheetos, drink Coors and listen to Toby Keith.

In the meantime, there seems to be an increase in the number of hippies heading for the backcountry. It gives new meaning to the phrase “Rocky Mountain high.”