April 2-8, email@example.comHomeless on the range
Recently here in Boulder, city officials noticed a new geographic shift for some of the city’s population. No, the members of Kappa Alpha Gamma Ray fraternity didn’t move next door to the Planned Parenthood. Rather, it seems that the homeless residents of Boulder are spending more and more time in one particular place — the library.
And in a lot of ways, this makes sense. Libraries are warm, open places. They have restrooms and drinking fountains, not to mention almost every book in The Boxcar Children series.
And though it does seem like a logical destination, many folks are wondering what is causing this rapid relocation.
Is the economic downturn simply driving up the numbers of our homeless population, forcing them to begin populating more public places during the day? Or maybe the free Internet access is luring the residents in droves — those Facebook accounts won’t update themselves, you know. And one can’t overlook the enticement of free government publications.
But as one former homeless man told the Daily Camera, there could be another reason entirely: soccer moms.
Yes. The yuppie mommas with their fancy strollers and Croc-adorned children are in a head-to-head with our house-less brethren.
You see, Boulder’s Eben G. Fine Park used to be a daytime hangout for many homeless individuals. There they could hang out largely undisturbed until heading back to shelters in the evening. However, since the installation of a children’s playground in the park a few years ago, Eben G. Fine has become a mecca for soccer moms. And increased soccer moms translates into increased complaining. Now, cops are more likely to move the homeless population away from the child-filled park, and the library seems like a fine destination.
But we here at Boulder Weekly see both sides of this coin, and want to encourage the yuppie moms to put down their miniature Spaldings and the homeless to set aside their shopping carts, and join hands in agreement.
They could meet on neutral territory — the bus station, perhaps, or the parking lot in front of Whole Foods. The moms can bring cheese platters and the homeless can bring Dixie Cups filled with Kool-Aid, and they can talk about the things they have in common, such as how much they both hate teenagers. Life imitating fart
It’s not just the homeless and soccer moms who are battling these days; it’s also makers of digital whoopee cushions.
InfoMedia Inc., a Loveland-based company, may be going to court over one simple marketing phrase: “pull my finger.” InfoMedia created an application for the iPhone known as (brace yourself) iFart. The application does what any self-respecting digital enhancer should do — makes flatulent noises, and lots of them. For 99 cents, you can download the program to your iPhone or iPod or iWhatever and let the fun begin. The sounds range from the ever-popular “Jack the Ripper” to the Cinco de Mayo fave “Burrito
Maximo” and even the springtime hit “Brown Mosquito.”
The iFart uses the phrase “pull my finger” for some of its marketing, and encourages us all to sink back into that 12-year-old toilet humor destination in our minds. Turns out it’s quite an easy trip for most of us to make.
But Florida-based Air-O-Matic isn’t so pleased. In fact, they’re feeling quite gassy about the whole thing. Though the company is more than happy to encourage toilet humor, they’re threatening to sue InfoMedia for use of the phrase “pull my finger,” citing copyright infringement.
You see, Air-O-Matic also had a fart-making application on the books (because one obviously isn’t enough), titled “Pull My Finger.”
The application existed before iFart, and actually hit No. 2 (pun intended) on the iPhone App Store earlier in the year. Newcomer iFart, on the other hand, was able to reach No. 1 for an incredible 22 consecutive days.
Air-O-Matic claims that that InfoMedia’s use of the phrase is a direct rip-off of their brand. InfoMedia counters by claiming that “pull my finger” is what it is — a commonly used phrase to reference the inducing of farts.
But with all the assholes out there, isn’t there room for two digital fart manufacturers? Much like our suggestions to soccer moms and homeless people at the library, our diplomatic nature encourages these two companies to just sit back, relax and let one loose.