July 10-17, 2008
editorial@boulderweekly.com


It’s the White House, not the dog house
Track down any personality test website, and you’re bound to stumble upon a number of entertaining quizzes and surveys that offer you solutions to some of life’s most significant conundrums: What type of fruit do you look like? Which character from The Big Lebowski are you? Which presidential candidate should you vote for?

Well, maybe not the last one. After all, who would elect a leader of the free world based on trivial questions, like “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?” or “How many pets do you own?”

Americans, that’s who.

The Associated Press, in conjunction with Yahoo News, recently released some of the results from their ongoing study that tracks how Americans’ political views shift over the course of the upcoming election. One of the more profound results? Voters believe they can infer a future president’s official abilities based on whether or not they are pet owners. One woman, for example, noted that those who own a pet tend to be more compassionate and trustworthy. As it turns out, pet owners — er... guardians — polled in this survey overwhelmingly leaned toward McCain (who is the ward of more than a dozen pets, including a ferret — gross), while the pet-free are on Obama’s side (who owns no pets, but has two children).

But with an unceasing war, the slumping economy and numerous domestic concerns, the real question we want answered in this survey is: Who the hell cares about what pets a candidate does or does not own? When it comes down to it, we’d rather see a president clean up the national health-care system, not the litterbox.

How stupid are we?
A recent Chicago Tribune article, D’oh! Americans get stumped in knowledge tests, considers the stupidity of America’s youth. The article asks, “Is there evidence of a ‘dumbing down’ of America, or is the apparent lack of book smarts a result of greater access to information negating the need to memorize trivial details?”

Either way, some details aren’t trivial, and yet people don’t know them. Anyone can tune into an episode of The Tonight Show and see Jay Leno ask Americans on the street simple questions such as “In what country is Paris located?” Watching our fellow Americans squirm as they reach deep into their noggins for an answer that might work, it made us wonder how Boulder, a city that boasts the most educated population in the country, would fair in a “Jaywalking” style interview. Here are a few of our favorite examples. We’ll let you judge for yourself.

BW: Where does drinking water come from?
Boulderite: Well, a bottle of course.
BW: What is the capital of Colorado?
Boulderite: Uh… Boulder?
BW: Who is the president of the United States?
Boulderite: Ralph Nader. Well, that’s who I voted for anyway.
BW: Where does Reggae music come from?
Boulderite: Trustafarians.
BW: What is the most recent proposal on the table for quickly ending the war in Iraq?
Boulderite: Mandatory yoga for everyone.
BW: Name one way to achieve racial harmony in America.
Boulderite: Coexist bumper stickers.
BW: Who flew a plane into the Pentagon on Sept. 11, 2001?
Boulderite: The U.S. government.
BW: Where is the axis of evil located?
Boulderite: Colorado Springs.
BW: Name a country that begins with the letter “B.”
Boulderite: Backcountry.
BW: What is currently the No. 1 rated television show?
Boulderite: What’s television?
BW: What is the most common mode of transportation in the U.S.?
Boulderite: Biking.
BW: Where is the line between your property and your neighbor’s?
Boulderite: Wherever the judge says it is after we sue each other.
Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com
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